FB - Blog --My test came back positive for cancer. My cancer antigen and my white-blood cell count where way out of normal range. I've got a 50/50 shot of it being cancer. The doc will 1st go in with a camera laparoscopic and examine my uterus. If he see's any sign of cancer then he will pull out and be done and I will get referred to an oncologist. If no sign of cancer he will then will proceed with standard hysterectomy. I will be in the hospital for 3-7 days at Banner Estrella in Avondale on Friday 4/8. Friends, I feel positive that God is fully in control. I have ultimate peace and just ready to move forward. I love you all.
Friends, it was heartbreaking for me as I made the long walk from the Doctors office lobby to room 5 as I waited patiently for the doctor. Trying hard to focus on peace and prayer I could feel the chill creep over me as the longer Ryan and I waited the more worrisome I had become. I had a million scenarios run through my head as how the conversation may go. How would I handle the good? How would I handle the bad and anything else? What if it was all bad? How am I going to react?
I can honestly say those thrity minutes sitting in the room was torture. Ryan did his best to keep my mind busy and in conversation so I would be destracted but I could tell that he was just as worried as I. I was unsure on how to support Ryan, I wasen't sure what to do. This is the man that helps me keep things together and I can see the anxiety and nerves building up in him as we continued to wait. To say the least It was intense.
Finally after waiting approximately one hour Dr. Lorenzo Boyce walked in and said swiftly "Mrs. Busboom, please come with me, we need to talk in my office". WAIT - STOP! WHAT? OMG, I couldn't beleive it. I felt like I was in some daytime TV drama. All the Grey's Anatonmy and Private Practice and every other daytime drama could have never of prepared me for those words.
As I hopped off the bed and proceeded to walk down the hall, my mind went blank. I walked there behind the doctor with my husband behind me just praying. Wishing that at that moment I could just close my eyes. and at this, yes this moment, all my reality was just a dream.
I had been trying hard not to waste energy on the "IF's" in life. My beloved sister Sharon said enouragingly to me, don't waste energy on something you don't know! When she first said these words I didn't get it, though this changed as I walked into the office. I took a deep breath and just thought of one thing, my life and how now, yes now I was living it in slow motion.
I thought of the story in Luke, you know the one. the story of Jesus calming the waters for the very frightened disciples. This story of the disciples having little faith and running to Christ for help when their lives seemed out of control when fear and unhealthy worry consumed them. Going through this story in my head I couldn't believe how God used it. I couldn't believe that I actually thought the last time I studied this story I didn't think how it would ever apply to my life. Being a long time believer I knew about faith and believing, but now, my situation was different. My level of comfort had been compromised, my safety and security seemed to be crashing and I was lacking faith. I was exactly like these disciples. When I recalled this story in my head and the scripture I immediately started to pray. Saying God, this is my storm, this is my boat. I do have faith that you can calm this storm, that you can keep this boat safe and that you Lord you are even more in control now then ever. Lord, I fully trust in you...!
Christ used my obedience as a blessing. He truly had his word become living. You always hear about the living bible. Christ new what I was going to go through, Christ had kept his promise. He had used his word to give me peace and comfort for this exact moment. I only wonder what this moment would be like if I had never studied that story? I can't say, I can only say that I know how God used my obedience and His word to help me, encourage me and bless me for this exact moment.
Dr. Boyce sat himself down in his chair and pulled close to his cluttered desk and grabbed my paperwork. He had a mound of it, everything from previous test, blood-work, ultrasounds, MRI's, x-ray's, spinal taps, and several more medical records all from the last year. As he was shifting through paperwork, he finally stopped looked at me and with great sincerity and he said, "OK, your blood work came back and I have concerns". "I'm afriad that your white-blood cell count is abnormal and your cancer antigen level is dangerously high." Dr. Boyce then proceeded to explain my levels and the abnormality of them. I was shocked when I saw my cancer levels. He explained that normal levels should be around 12 and mine where at 147. OMG, I thought, those numbers where in red and in bold. Reality hit! I immidiately made eye contact with Ryan with fear in my eyes he looked down at me and with just one look Ryan I felt his loving smile and his strong hand holding mine.
Dr. Boyce went on as to say that the odds of having cancer can be minimal and up to 50%. He stated that he felt positive that it wasen't but he needed to be realistic. I totally understood. He explained that with my family history and the fast growth of the tumor he had some concerns and wanted me to undergo surgery for removal immediately. He stated that the tumor had grown from 5.5cm in Jan 2011 to more then 8cm at the end of February 2011. That is almost bigger then a softball! I thought, OMG, I've got a softball sized tumor in my body. He did have concern that this tumor was still growing rapidly and requested that I immidiaty go for a 4th Ultrasound to see the current size prior to surgery. i will also need additional blood-work. This I really don't like since drawing blood from me is no longer an easy task. Dr. Boyce scheduled my surgery for earliest possible. If it was not for needing to get approvals from my insurance I'm sure that the surgery would have been for this week rather then next week 4/8.
Dr. Boyce and I continued to talk about the surgery and my options. We discussed what the surgery would be like, how long it would be, recovery and pain management. Ryan seemed to be more leery of this surgery continuing to ask the questions I never thought of. My mind was in another place off an on during the conversation.
Dr. Boyce continued explaining the procedure and stated because of my chances of it being cancer he would go through my belly button lyprascopic and confirm any signs of cancer. He told me firmly with a straight face that if he even saw the smallest glimpse of cancer he was going to pull the scope out sew me up and call it a day and send me to a oncologist. If no cancer is found he would then continue with standard hysterectomy surgery with a small incesion in my abdomen. He continued to explain that he strongly recommended that I have a full hystrectomy rather then having the tumor/cyst and fibroid removed due to the high likely hood they would return. I explained that I left this decision up to his discretion, that if during surgery both my uterus and ovaries are crippled with endometriosis to proceed with complete extraction and I elect for a complete hysterectomy.
When those words slipped off my tongue I couldn't believe it. It hit me, after this Ryan and I's decision to adopt is the only option. I would never know what it was like to help God with a miracle by having child of our own. I know, I know, Ryan and I have talked over this subject extensively over the last few years since we got the news of not being able to have children. Ryan and I have come to peace regarding adoption over the years but it still doesn't take the sting away of feeling like I will no longer be a complete woman. Minutes passed as Ryan talked to Dr. Boyce as I sat there feeling out of it. Day dreaming as if having an out of body experience.
As we approached the end of our conversation Dr. Boyce looked at me with a peace and security that I can't quite describe. At this moment I only knew that I was trusting this doctor to make the best choice for me and my life. I was completely trusting in God to bless him with ultimate wisdom.
So, the surgery is scheduled, test are scheudled and I will soon be pain free. Praise God. More then that, I've learned a very valueable lesson. That the living word is SOOOOOO living. For some reason today it hit me more then others. It hit me that God prepared me for this months even years ago. That he knew I would be here and that out of my obedience I would have peace. That if I would not have read the below that my feelings towards my circumstance could be different. I'm going to share what I learned only becuase I feel that if it helped me and I KNOW it can help someone else.
God is my amazing strength, my amazing love and my amazing Daddy. He is everything I live for and could not imagine for one second going through this without the love that I've been blessed with.
Calm - a Christian perspective
Luke 8:24
The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we’re going to drown!” He got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm.
------Jesus calms a turbulent storm in this miracle. Despite their closeness to Jesus, the disciples were still afraid for their lives when
Calm - a Christian perspective
Jesus calms a turbulent storm in this miracle. Despite their closeness to Jesus, the disciples were still afraid for their lives when the storm rose, prompting Jesus to chide them for their lack of faith.
Faith is the key that unlocks all the great things God has for you. And He isn't about to let your faith stay the same size. He's in the faith-enlargement business. He's let something come into your life that defies human solution, that overwhelms human answers, so you can experience how big your King really is. When the bad news gets "badder," your God does not get smaller. He's still the Sovereign Lord, the great and powerful God. Let yourself be overwhelmed by the God you have - and you'll find that nothing but Him is truly overwhelming! Jesus calms a turbulent storm in this miracle. Despite their closeness to Jesus, the disciples were still afraid for their lives when the storm rose, prompting Jesus to chide them for their lack of faith.
Friends and Family, please don't worry I'm in the best of hands, God's hands. As it's said if God is for me and with me, then who can be against me?
Prayer request -
Wisdom for Dr. boyce
Peace for Me and strenght and good health fast recovery
Peace and encouragement for Ryan the man I adore and love
For all my friends and family who are supporting Ryan and I as we go through this journey.
Thank you all - Smiles, DB